08 July 2004

at nights

At nights
I sit in the dark
Sunglasses on
Holding her photo
Time crawls by
All nights are becoming one night
Not quite worth living
Not quite there for dying
Long, slow, deaf night of nothingness

Oh, how I hate these men
Middle aged, middle class, middle everything
With their mail order asian brides
Kuli dollface and empty scared eyes
No reason to hate, really,
But for the reminder of my loss
Or rather
Unintentional cruel parody
Of what we could be
If only...

How do you celebrate
The birthday of your dead love?
Do you pass off drunk at her grave?
Cut your veins in the hotel room
You shared last time?
Stay home and crawl under the blankets?
Drive to the ocean and scream horrid curses
Upon the face of god?
Delete this day from all calendars?
Declare war on china? Or Egypt?
Hide and read mindless banter
Until your eyes itch?
Don’t answer.
Just...don't.